10 Things I Hate About My Critique Group

When I first started writing, I took someone’s advice and joined a critique group. I didn’t know anything about critique groups. I thought it would be like a book club – the ones where nobody actually reads the book and the meetings are just an excuse to get together for lunch. I guess I joined the wrong group. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I hate the way I have to have something ready to read every time we meet. I could be napping, or ironing, or grocery shopping, or scrubbing toilets, but instead I have to take the time to write so I’ll have something ready for them to critique.

I hate the way they critique. It never fails, if they have something critical to say, they always follow that up with something positive. It’s so formulaic!

I hate they way they are constantly sharing market sources. Every time we meet, it’s a new contact or magazine or contest. And of course I have to submit something because if I don’t, the rest of the group will wonder why I’m the only one who doesn’t.

I hate they way they pick out the typos in my work. After all, I have been working with this stuff for days, weeks, sometimes months. How did they catch it when I didn’t?

I hate the way they hold me accountable for what I write. For once, why can’t they just say, “It’s good enough the way it is”?

I hate the way they push me to submit every single thing I write. They even critique my queries, for crying out loud!

I hate how they waste so much time brainstorming. Why would they want to spend so much time on a plot twist that isn’t even their story? So what if it makes all the difference and sends me in a direction I hadn’t considered before? Wouldn’t they rather be spending that time on their own work?

I hate they way they insist on celebrating every time someone has a sale. All of that shouting and hugging and praise embarrasses me.

I hate they way they prop me up after yet another rejection. Don’t they realize I will never be any good at this and I just need to stop trying?

Most of all, I hate how I feel when I have to miss a critique group meeting. I miss the input, even if it is critical. I miss my writer friends, even if they sometimes tell me things I don’t want to hear.  So if you will pardon me, I have a deadline. The toilets and the ironing will just have to wait.

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