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The first of two posts about everyone's favorite insect. Here's the second.

Long before the dawn of man, the mosquito was around, anxious to make a meal of him. In the 21st century, we have many years of scientific research providing us with a variety of complex chemical sprays and lotions to keep the pests away.

Alas, these modern products have only been available relatively recently. Early cultures had to 'make do', as we say here in the South, with other methods.

STRONGLY recommend reading this article about the Karankawas at the Texas State Historical Association website https://tshaonline.org/handbook/online/articles/bmk05

One of the first mosquito repellent methods consisted of smearing something on the skin. Early peoples didn’t know that only the female mosquito feeds on blood, or that she is attracted by a combination of aroma and temperature. All they knew was that the little buggers had an annoying, itchy bite. Therefore, if one could come up with something that would keep the mosquitoes off their skin, the battle was won. No one can know for certain how they decided on what to use, but it does make sense that they settled on something that smelled absolutely awful. After all, if it repelled their fellow humans, wouldn’t it work the same way on mosquitoes?

Journals of early European explorers in America relate the use of rancid bear grease, alligator grease, and even shark oil. The grease was simple to find – it was the layer of fat just below the skin of animals killed in a hunt or perhaps found already dead. The shark oil comes from the shark’s liver. The natives smeared the grease or oil, sometimes combined with dirt, over all exposed skin. As they often went with very little clothing, this meant they were usually covered head to toe with the smelly mixture.

Primitive cultures also figured out that if they built smoky fires, this seemed to keep mosquitoes away. Some cultures preferred a certain type of tree, such as black mangrove. Others were not so picky – any green wood was acceptable. The secret was to get the wood smoking while not allowing it to achieve a full burn. During the summer months when mosquitoes were in full force, much time and effort was spent collecting wood specifically meant to keep mosquitoes at bay. It is difficult to say which was more unbearable – being covered with dirt and animal fat, or withstanding the heat of a smoky fire in the middle of summer, complete with stinging eyes and choking breath. Clearly mankind was willing to do almost anything to keep the mosquitoes away.

This effect is easily achieved by forgetting to open the damper in your indoor fireplace. NOT recommended.

Less offensive methods evolved with the passage of time. Early peoples were very knowledgeable about the properties of the plants growing nearby. They soon discovered that plants with pungent or strong smells seemed to be effective against mosquitoes.  Many of these plants are still used today for the same purpose. One of the most familiar to modern culture is citronella. Lavender, eucalyptus, and garlic are just a few of the plants that have some effect on keeping mosquitoes away. Before glass windows or wire screens were commonplace, people often constructed window boxes in order to grow some of these fragrant plants just below the window in the hopes of steering the mosquitoes away. Even today, in many countries where mesh screening is not widely available, window boxes still serve this purpose. These plant remedies have never been quite as effective as smoky fires or animal fat, but they are certainly more pleasant.

Modern man is still battling with the mosquito. We are still very interested in keeping those hungry females from biting us, no matter how unpleasant the solution. But the next time you complain about applying one of those high-tech creams, lotions or sprays, just remember – it could be worse. It could be alligator grease.

  • “gallinipper” is another word for mosquito.

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I need to get something off my chest. 
Unlike the -ahem- gentleman in the
 picture, it is not my shirt. 

It's summertime in the South again, and of course that means it's toasty outside. I am not complaining. In the immortal words of Xander Cage, I Live For This S***.

I grew up in Texas long before every enclosed space was air-conditioned. They say living in a warm climate thins the blood, somehow making us able to tolerate the heat more easily. I don't know if this is true. I hate to think we are that closely related to reptiles. I have been known to bask near a sunny window on a cold winter day, eyes closed, upturned face tracking that glorious orb's path across the sky to receive its comforting warmth, so maybe there is something to that.  But I digress.

As I was saying, I love hot weather like a vegan loves to talk about being vegan. After spending 8 years living in Minnesota, I truly cherish being comfortable in shorts and flip flops March through October. Where clothing is concerned, less is more down here. Even so, we can't get too carried away with that credo. No matter how hot it is, if you spend most of your walking time upright and your knuckles do not drag the ground, you have a responsibility to your fellow humans to a maintain at least an illusion of civility. Gentlemen, we do this by wearing a shirt. 

Now, I know different cultures have different expectations when it comes to attire. Even within our own culture, men and women have different commonly accepted guidelines. The women get the skirts; the men get the ties. Women: bras; men: jocks. Men often go 'skins' (shirtless) to exercise, swim, tan, etc.; women usually stay a little covered up top. Totally fine with that in theory. But in practice, when it devolves into potbellied, swaybacked middle-aged men demonstrating their ability to grow hair everywhere but on top of their head while I am trying to enjoy a meal, this whole shirtless thing has to stop (or at least slow the roll). So I have some handy guidelines here if you are unclear whether you should be strutting around in public without your shirt.

You should probably keep your shirt on if:

1. You are more than 10 pounds overweight.*

2. You are over age 30.*

3. You are not on an Olympic men's swimming, diving, or water polo team.

4. You were not selected as a backup dancer or stunt double in the film Magic Mike.

5. You are in a social situation in which crumbs, ketchup, mustard, or other food debris may easily find their way onto your chest/back hair.

6. You are in a social situation in which your chest/back hair may find its way onto neighboring plates/beverages.

7. You have been asked to volunteer at the local barber school so that students may practice their clipper techniques by carving designs into your chest/back hair.

8. Your armpit hair is long enough to be braided.

9. Nursing infants reach out for your pectoral area and make smacking noises . 

*Exceptions to these first two will be granted on a case-by-case basis if you have been named Sexiest Man Alive within the last 5 years. Close-up visual inspection may be required.

Just so we're clear: this is not like needing a majority to get a bill passed in Congress. If any ONE of these nine is violated, the shirt must stay on.

And for that minority of gents who do qualify to go skins (ref Xander Cage link above), I think I can speak for all of us who are filled with gratitude when we see 'shirtless' done properly. Thank you for setting a fine example. A mighty fine example.

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