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Published on 6 Comments on It’s All About That Tea

When you've been married as long as I have (37 years next month, plus the 3 years we lived in sin prior to tying the knot) you know full well it becomes a challenge to find a unique and satisfactory gift for your significant other when Christmas rolls around. Props to my hubs for scoring major points this year. The surprise hit: a Twinings tea sampler. My Type A self is having a blast methodically working through all the various flavors.

I've been a tea drinker most of my adult life. Growing up in the South, it's part of your DNA. Especially when you grow up in a teetotaler household. There's a reason they call it that!

It's the iced version of tea that Southerners adore. And it's usually so sweet it'll make your teeth ache. My mom brewed a batch of iced tea just about every day. She had this one particular pan that was the only pan used for brewing tea. She brought water to a boil and dropped a couple of tea bags into the boiling water, then turned it off and let them steep while we were away all day at work or school. When we got home, she poured the tea into a two quart pitcher. The tea only filled maybe a third. The rest, she filled with tap water. And of course, at some point she added sugar. I remember one of the dead giveaways my dad was on yet another diet was if Mom intentionally left the sugar out of the tea.

Sounds simple, but try making consistently good iced tea day after day for thirty years, then get back to me. Anyone who's had that gawdawful powder mix 'tea' out of a garish school-bus-yellow tureen at a chain restaurant knows why this is an important skill set.

Somewhere along the way I made the transition from sweet tea, to pink packet tea, to unsweet (with lemon!), and have never looked back. But that's a story for another day. Today, I want to focus on the other kind of tea: the hot stuff.

Photo by Alice Pasqual on Unsplash

For whatever reason, I just never did get on board with drinking coffee. My mom never drank it because she didn't want to stain her teeth. Because of course tea wouldn't stain your teeth . . . Dad drank a cup or two in the morning, but never obsessed over it, and I don't recall him ever drinking it on the weekends. It just wasn't a thing at our house. When I finally got around to having a cup, it was kinda like my first time trying booze: Yuck! How did this stuff ever get so popular? It's like vanilla. How can something that smells so great taste so gross? Unlike booze, my opinion on coffee has remained unchanged.

The only time I recall enjoying a cup of coffee was at a great ski lodge after a fabulous fun day on the slopes. The coffee was doctored up with Kahlua, or maybe Amaretto, and a mountain of whipped cream. That I could stomach. But between the atmosphere and the calories, just not sustainable.

If you don't drink coffee, that leaves your choice of hot morning beverage somewhat restricted. Hence the tea. I used to just heat up a cup of iced tea, like a savage. Then I progressed to dunking a tea bag into some hot water (didn't even have to be boiling). I'm ashamed to admit that actually passed for 'brewing tea' in my youth. And yes, I was that girl walking around with a tea bag dangling out of my cup. Mea culpa.

But something happened along the way. I have a sort of ADD, 'ooh, shiny' thing going on. I'm a sampler. I love to try new things and learn all about them. Get into the weeds. Down the rabbit hole. Years ago, it was about wine. I wanted to go all Sideways, but I just didn't have the nose for it. Then when the craft beer craze came along, yep, I am that girl who loved perusing the menu at my favorite watering hole to see what crazy new concoction was on tap. Those hobbies went by the wayside when I gave up booze.

One day as I was watching Jean Luc Picard order an "Earl Grey, hot", I decided right then and there I needed to branch out from the generic store brand bulk tea bags and see what else was on offer in the wide world of tea.

People, I have barely begun to scratch the surface.

Sure, we did the Tower of London and Buckingham Palace. But you know I had to pop in to a tea shop, too.

There are so many options! You've got the bagged and the loose. Caff and decaf. The black and the green and the white. The oolong and the assam and the lapsang souchong. The chai. The matcha. The big name producers and the mom-and-pop artisinals. And that doesn't even begin to touch the teas that are made from something other than the camellia sinensis plant. It's glorious.

It's also easy to get overwhelmed. I've come up with a system. I have a specific tea assigned for each morning of the week. Then I hold a tasting competition; a Tea Olympics, if you will. I sample various teas. On whims, on recommendations, on throwing a dart. No Tea Day is guaranteed. Any tea can lose their spot at any time. If I find a tea that I love love LOVE more than one of those on my schedule, the gold medal winner gets the spot, and the silver/bronze/loser is relegated to the Wild West of my afternoon rotation, where anything goes.

My daily morning menu:

  • Monday: Earl Grey (EG is sorta grandfathered/Picarded in)
  • Tuesday: Darjeeling (a relative newcomer)
  • Wednesday: Ceylon Orange Pekoe (recently ousted H-E-B's Chocolate Rooibos)
  • Thursday: Yorkshire Gold (I learned of this winner via Jane Friedman's blog - see below)
  • Friday: Assam (I don't remember where I heard about assam, but it is AMAZING)
  • Saturday: Yerba Mate, but it's definitely on the bubble
  • Sunday: a Free Day so I can keep trying new flavors

As you can see, I'm up to my eyeballs in tea. I drink it pretty much all day long. And yes, I intersperse with plain old H2O, in case you are worried about my hydration status. I would love to hear your recommendations. Competition helps keep these teas on their tea toes, so to speak. Any and all newcomers welcome. Let's hear those recs!

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No affiliate links here. Just stuff I've enjoyed learning about.

  • Camellia sinensis is the scientific name of the plant most teas are made from. And yes, it is related to the camellia plant we think of mainly for its flowers. The Camellia part is meant to honor a botanist by the name of Kamel; and the sinensis indicates it is from what is now China. You can make tea out of just about any plant, though. And you can use the other parts of the plant, not just the leaves. As an experiment a few years ago, I let the Texas dandelions grow wild in my back yard. I harvested them for salad, and brewed up a little tea with them as well. It wasn't terrible. But way too much work and too unsightly. The dandlions are now relegated to the back back yard. And no, that is not a typo. We have the back yard, the part inside the fence. Then we have the back back yard, which stretches from the back fence to the river. We let that grow wild until early summer to nourish the pollinators. Then the hubs mows it until winter arrives. But I digress.
  • I mentioned I learned about Yorkshire Gold via Jane Friedman's blog, which is kinda weird, because Jane's blog is first and foremost about writing. But recently she has started polling her followers about all kinds of interesting topics. Here's the full article with lots of other tea recs. This is probably where I heard about assam, and I have tried a couple of the Harney's here also. How could I resist a tea named Victorian London Fog?
  • There are so many wonderful craft/artisinal tea companies out there. I really enjoyed sampling the teas from August Uncommon, especially their Silencio. My writer friend Dan alerted me to a shop he recommends in Pittsburgh called Prestogeorge. They are known for their coffee, but they have tea also. Haven't had a chance to try them yet. Stay tuned!

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Published on 6 Comments on Eat Like A President

If you were one of the most powerful leaders in the world, what would you eat? The answer is: whatever you want! Serving as President is a tough job, but it does have a few perks. At least you don't have to cook for yourself if you don't want to. Today’s White House staff includes chefs and cooks available pretty much around the clock. They can prepare a meal for just one person, or for hundreds.

Some have identified this pic as George Washington's slave and personal chef, Hercules. But recent research indicates this may not be the case.
Photo from UShistory.org

George Washington often served his guests peanut soup as a first course. He also loved vegetable soup and his wife Martha’s recipe for cream of crab soup.  The creator of some of these favorites may have been Washington's personal chef, an enslaved man called Hercules. Hercules served as chef for the duration of Washington's term. P.S. I've been watching a show on Netflix called High On The Hog about the origins of soul food. Episode 3 focuses on Hercules, if you would like to know more.

Thomas Jefferson also appeared to be obsessed with soup. When he lived in Paris as minister to France, he apprenticed one of his slaves to a French chef to help ensure some of that fabulous continental cooking made its way back to the USA.

Yes, some of our revered founding fathers owned slaves. There's nothing to be gained by ignoring the unsavory parts of our history.

But I digress.

On the other end of whipping-up-a-bowl-of-soup-for-a-guy spectrum, we have Feeding The Masses, aka The Inaugural Ball. In earlier times, the general public was often allowed to attend. At James Buchanan’s inauguration in 1857, more than 400 gallons of oysters were served, along with mutton, venison, tongue, ham, and 500 quarts of chicken salad. More than 12,000 people attended Benjamin Harrison’s inaugural ball. The menu included oysters served three different ways, terrapin (turtle), sweetbreads (beef or lamb thymus glands, usually fried), and breast of quail.

Impressive as these parties may be, most of a president’s meals are served to him alone or with just a few people. When a president first takes office, the kitchen staff wants to know right away what sorts of foods he would like to have on a daily basis. Many presidents enjoy foods from wherever they grew up. Theodore Roosevelt was from New York and loved fresh wild mint and other greens that grew there. He had some planted at the White House especially for his use. I don't know about you, but Teddy sure didn't seem like a veg guy to me.

Photo from Recipe Reminiscing

Now this is interesting from a human psychology point of view: during FDR's term, which was during the Great Depression, he and his wife Eleanor decided the White House staff should cook and eat the same types of meals the rest of the country was eating. Rationed foods, simple things, easy to prepare. Let's just set aside the irony that the Roosevelts were very upper crust and probably had never prepared a meal for themselves in their entire pampered lives. The new food strategy may have been great Depression-era optics, but according to many news accounts of the time, made for lousy eating. Roosevelt also caused a fuss when he served hot dogs to the King and Queen of England when they visited America in 1939. The public was shocked that he would serve such a common food to such distinguished guests, but he insisted they were a family favorite.  

Photo from the White House Historical Association

Dwight Eisenhower was one president who enjoyed cooking for himself. Eisenhower enjoyed hunting. He often made soups and stews from the birds he shot. He was known to barbecue on a patio above the South Portico of the White House. Seeing the smoke emanating from the roof of the White House definitely freaked out nearby residents who didn't realize Ike was grillin' like a villain.

The Kennedys had a reputation for enjoying the finer things in life. Their White House chef was French. I envision lots of dinners with three tiny, unidentifiable yet artistically displayed tidbits per plate. They say JFK also loved the thick seafood soup known as chowder. He probably pronounced it 'CHOW duh'.

I must say I enjoyed reading about the food kerfuffle in the Lyndon Baines Johnson era. A Native Texan, LBJ enjoyed simple foods such as burgers and barbecue. Food preference was just one of many areas in which Johnson and his predecessor JFK were diametrically opposed. Let's just say LBJ did not find amuse bouche all that amusing. So LBJ replaced the fancy-schmancy White House French chef with his family cook, Zephyr Wright. A great quote from the linked article: apparently Ms. Wright was such a great cook, her food "made you wish you had two stomachs".

Photo from the Reagan Library website

While researching this post I ran across a rumor that Richard Nixon ate cottage cheese with ketchup. Sweet Mother of Pearl this is too disgusting to even contemplate. Then again, it was Nixon . . .

Ronald Reagan loved macaroni and cheese and any dessert containing coconut. His wife, Nancy, wanted him to eat healthy meals. She told the kitchen staff what to cook for him. But when she was out of town, Reagan would ask the chefs for a nice juicy steak and a double helping of chocolate mousse. Reagan was also fond of jelly beans. He kept a jar of them on his desk in the Oval Office. It is estimated 40 million jelly beans were served during Reagan’s two inaugural parties in the 1980s.

Photo from New York Botanical Garden website

The Obama administration made healthy eating a big part of their message. Specifically, First Lady Michelle Obama spearheaded the Let's Move! program, aimed at combating the obesity epidemic. But I was gratified, and to be honest, not surprised, to learn that the Obamas are only human, and sometimes splurged with a burger and fries. Apparently they were also big fans of the White House chef's pies and red velvet cake.

Photo from . . . everywhere. Dude went viral with those guns.

There's not a tremendous amount of info out there yet about the food preferences of the current Biden administration. The vegetable garden is still going strong. Chef Andre Rush has buff biceps bigger around than my thigh. The President likes vanilla ice cream. The Diet Coke phone panic button, like Biden's predecessor, has been removed from the Oval Office. So far, I'm not hearing anything I don't like.

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Published on Leave a comment on Kitchen Gadgets, Power Tools, and Cooking With Tahini

I'm always on the lookout for new recipes that are simple, healthy, and tasty. It's harder than it sounds. Recipes tend to fall into the 'pick two' category. Simple and healthy, but taste like shoe leather. Healthy and tasty, but take three days and every gadget you own (and some you don't) to prepare them. Simple and tasty, but loaded with all the stuff you're trying to avoid. Yes, sugar, I am looking at you.

So when our local newspaper included a couple of potential candidates in their food section, I was game. Especially when I saw they both featured my old cooking nemesis: tahini. For some strange reason, I was feeling up for a challenge.

My beef with tahini has nothing to do with taste and everything to do with texture. It's one of those ingredients I use very rarely. That means it sits in the pantry for months, with nothing better to do than separate. It's like those fancy nut butters, the kind with all the oil sitting on the top; but orders of magnitude worse. Think a layer of oil over the top of a can of concrete. When it's time to use it, by the time I retrieve the drill and the paint stirrer attachment from the tool shed, I've usually lost the desire to futz around with the recipe.

Just kidding. I don't keep the drill in the shed. I keep it in the kitchen, in case of tahini emergency.

Just kidding again. I am able to mix the tahini together again by hand, but I have a Popeye arm when I'm done.

Now, you might be asking yourself: what in the name of Sweet Tap Dancing Lucifer is 'tahini'? Think peanut butter, but made with sesame seeds instead of peanuts. Looks very similar. Smells different, though. Milder. It's an ingredient found in lots of Asian cuisine. It's often found in hummus, and some noodle dishes like pad thai. It used to be a challenge to find it at the grocery store, but not anymore. Just look in the Asian foods aisle. And of course, there's always Amazon to the rescue if you strike out locally.

Once you get the tahini solids and liquids mixed together again, it's smooth sailing incorporating it into the recipe. Both of these are tasty. And they are probably perfect for those of you who have never cooked with or eaten tahini, and don't want to go too crazy with it until you know if you like it or not. Although the article leads with tahini in the title in huge block letters, the tahini plays a much smaller role in the recipes. Just a few ounces. It's in the dressing for both the baked sweet potatoes as well as the lentil bowls.

Click here for the two tahini recipes

This photo is from the newspaper article. I'm not the kind of cook who goes to the trouble of plating the food porn. But I will say both recipes were tasty. I love sweet potatoes and eat them in bowls at least a couple of times a week. And I have been meaning to switch from rice to lentils for my lunch bowls for some time now. This article was just the kick in the pants I needed. Both were very mild. When I make them again, I may add something to give them a little more zing, like my two favorites: sriracha and peri peri. But if you're not into spicy food, these recipes will be just fine for you as-is.

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Bruised banana by artist Anna Chojnicka
  • Speaking of art, there's a new book out about Texas artist Bob Daddy-O Wade. He's the guy behind the giant 40-ft. long iguana that used to perch atop the Lone Star Cafe in New York City.
  • The against-all-odds story of Dr. Kati Kariko, the scientist who lead the charge for using messenger RNA as a tool in vaccines, is very satisfying. A woman in a male-dominated profession, an immigrant escaping oppression in her home country, told many times her idea wouldn't get funded, etc. etc. Gotta love it.
  • Pretty sure vaccine stories are gonna be a thing now. Here's mine: I wasn't in any of the initial early groups eligible for the vaccine. And I'm not one who enjoys waiting. No one does, amirite? I was volunteering on a local phone bank to help folks get registered. But my number literally was not coming up. Then I heard from a dear friend that slots were available in her area. Their website was getting bombarded, but after about ten attempts, I was able to get it to load. One week and an easy 67 mile drive later, I had my first jab of Moderna. Three weeks later, second jab. No after-effects, other than my arm felt like someone punched me. I'm past my two week waiting period now, and let me tell ya, I'm walkin' on sunshine, people! Now, I want to hear yours. What's you're vaccine story? Drop it in the comments. Looking forward to congratulating you.

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Published on Leave a comment on Quivering, Jiggling, Tasteless Protein – Yum!

Gizmodo has a great article on the history of a hugely popular, tasteless, odorless protein product that is rather nasty until it magically absorbs the other flavors in the recipe. No, we are not talking about tofu. It's the all-American dessert icon, Jell-O.

And of course I spent half the day down the gelatin rabbit hole. That's just my info addict self at work.

I'm not a huge fan of gelatin products. I'll eat it, if we've had an apocalyptic event and the atmosphere has turned toxic and I'm in a bunker and that's all there is left to eat. Otherwise, I consign it to the pile of foods I ate as a kid (Vienna sausages and baloney come to mind; and yes, I know it's 'bologna', but at our house, it was plain old baloney) before I knew any better.

Just reading about gelatin products are made was enough to make me a little queasy. It's hooves, people. Bones and hooves. Or any cartilaginous animal product, I suppose, that can be boiled down to its protein basics. I can appreciate the aspect of not letting anything go to waste. But now I kinda wish I didn't know what gelatin was made of.

Making gelatin was a real pain in the early days. Someone had to boil the bones/hooves all day long to extract the gelatinous goodies. Then they strained the liquid, let it set, skimmed the goo off the top, and the stuff underneath was the end product.

Initially, this stuff underneath was used an adhesive. You have to wonder about the thought process that ended up in, "Hey, let's eat some of this glue!" Probably the same process kindergarteners still repeat when they open their new school supplies.

Most sources point to the French as early adopters of gelatin as an edible. Initially the gel was a source of protein during times of scarcity. But somebody figured out since the stuff was odorless and tasteless, it could do with a little flavoring. And once some more palatable flavoring was in the mix, the popularity of the dish soared.

From the Saturday Evening Post site

Initially the upgraded, tastier version of gelatin was considered a fancy-schmancy dish because it took so long to make and you had to be able to devote one or more of the kitchen staff to see to it. It wasn't until food industry wonks figured out how to shrink the days-long process to hours or even minutes that gelatin became popular with the masses. Not sure whether I consider that a blessing or a curse.

Couple more of my favorite takeaways from my time down the gelatin rabbit hole:

  • Adding an 'O' to product names was a fad in the mid-1800s. Sort of like everything named iSomething now.
  • Artist Norman Rockwell once drew an advertisement for Jell-O, showing a young girl serving the dessert to her doll. 
  • Jell-O turned to iconic comedians for their hugely successful ad campaigns.
  • Early evidence of a gelatin product has been found in an Egyptian tomb, but it is thought to have been used as glue rather than dessert.
  • Asian cultures developed a similar food product, but it was derived from sea weed.
  • **Kitchen Gadget Hoarder Warning** If you really want to up your game, you'll acquire some Jell-O molds to give your gelatin dessert a fancy shape.

I sorta feel compelled to include a Jell-O recipe from my childhood. Don't hate.

https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/14465/orange-gelatin-salad/

And now of course I have that old Jell-O jingle stuck in my head for the rest of the day. You're welcome.

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Published on Leave a comment on Eating Is Such Sweet Sorrow

This post contains affiliate links.

In a previous post I mentioned several of the books that inspired me to write my current YA trilogy. One of them was Michael Moss' Salt Sugar Fat. It was in SSF that I learned about the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia.

This sculpture by artist Arlene Love greets visitors to the Monell Center. The piece's official name is 'Face Fragment', but everyone calls it 'Eddy'.

(In case you haven't noticed, my favorite part of the writing process is the research. Hands-down. No question. In my next life, I'm coming back as a professional researcher.)

But I digress.

At Monell, scientists focus on the mechanisms by which humans (and a few other species) process and interpret sensory input. Specifically, how we smell and taste things, and how that input affects us. Research done at Monell is why we know all sorts of interesting stuff, like:

  • cats are unable to taste sweets
  • olive oil contains anti-inflammatories
  • why smoking pot gives some people the munchies

They're also responsible for more serious discoveries, like the mechanics of detecting the taste of sugar (it's complicated). Monell researchers identified the specific receptor for sweet/sugar. It's also very complicated, but basically when this receptor encounters something sweet, it sends a signal to the brain, and the brain does its thing. Also complicated.

In a perfect world, we would be very appreciative that we have produced so many smart humans and they are doing such good work for us at Monell. But, alas. That dreamy scenario is complicated by a couple of important facts:

  • only about half of Monell's operating budget is provided by more or less neutral taxpayer dollars.
  • the other half is supplied by far-from-neutral corporate donations.

Corporate funding means sometimes the donors get an early look at test results. It also buys the donors access by asking the Monell staff to create bespoke experiments specifically designed for an existing or proposed product of said donor.

This is not to say the staff at Monell is on the take. There is no indication anyone has ever skewed test results to please the Krafts and Nestlés of the world. But that doesn't stop Big Food from spinning test results to suit their needs. For example, when test results indicated the preference for things that taste sweet could be identified in newborns, Big Food spun that result to say liking sugar was 'natural', to offset negative publicity about the risks of eating sugar to excess.

Or that time in the 1970s when a Monell study discovered that children and African Americans had a higher preference for salty or sweet foods than other segments of the population. Some corporations (like Frito Lay, for example) interpreted this as a green flag to crank out as many salty-crunchies as those markets would bear.

Sometimes the Monell staff are appalled at the perversion of the data they have worked so hard to produce. One look at the public health crisis, not just in our country, but world-wide, tells you who is currently winning that PR battle.

The spooky face fragment sculpture at the entrance of Monell is supposed to represent the awesome power of the human senses. But I see its ravaged visage more as a cry for help. If the scientists at Monell can come up with a method for resisting the siren call of the salty-crunchy aisle at the grocery store, then I'll be really impressed.

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Published on 1 Comment on Self-isolation Improvisation

Well here we are, barely into 2020 (I mean, we only just turned the clocks forward, for crying out loud!) and we have a pandemic to deal with. Just lovely.

Cheddar Broccoli Salad. Photo from the original recipe I clipped from Taste of Home magazine, long before I replaced that subscription with internet and Pinterest.

In order to 'flatten the curve' on the progress of the Covid-19 virus, the powers that be are encouraging those of us who can, who are not essential or emergency workers, to 'self-isolate'. We introverts call this 'a regular day'.

While we're holed up waiting for the all-clear, seems like lots of folks are dusting off the to-do lists. Closets are getting cleaned (along with everything else). Gardens are getting tended. And at our house, old recipes are getting culled.

In fact, I foresee home cooking making a powerful comeback after this virus thing winds down. Even for people like me, who aren't exactly in love with spending time in the kitchen. When your favorite restaurants have shut down, and you're too spooked by watching Contagion and Outbreak to hit up the curbside or drive-through, your only option is cooking for yourself.

I should clarify that I use the term 'cooking' lightly. It's more of an assembly project. Throw a bunch of stuff together, maybe heat it; call it a day.

So i thought I would share this recipe with you in case you are also looking for something easy and relatively healthy to feed the hordes while you're cooped up together.

Notice I've improvised many of the instructions in this recipe because either I didn't have them on hand (hello, Covid Panic Shoppers), or I just don't like them and don't want them in my salad.

Cheddar Broccoli Salad

6 cups fresh broccoli florets
*IDK about 6 cups. I just had about one and a half crowns on hand and snipped off the good bits on the top. I kept the stems, though. They're good for other stuff like soups.

1-1/2 cups (6 oz.) shredded cheddar cheese
*I love me some cheese, don't get me wrong. But for some reason today I just wasn't feelin' the cheese in this salad. I grated a carrot instead. Looks like grated cheese, but way fewer calories. Don't worry, we'll have plenty of naughty calories in the dressing.

1/3 cup chopped onion
*I didn't measure the onion. I just eyeballed it and cut a little chunk off a red onion, Any kind of onion is fine. I happened to have an overabundance of red onion on hand because last time I was HEB, they only had 3 lb. bags on offer and I couldn't buy any individually, like I usually do. So for a while, we will have red onion in everything we eat.

12 bacon strips, cooked and crumbled
*I skipped the bacon. We had some already cooked , thanks to my hubs who likes to grill up a bunch of man meat every now and then, and did so recently, even though he got interrupted when he ran out of propane and we had to wait until a trip to Lowe's (while practicing our newly developed Social Distancing skills) before he could finish cooking. But I have cut waaaaay back on eating pork after watching (and ugly crying at the end of) Okja. So, no bacon for me. But if you want some, go ahead!

Not called for in the original recipe, but I threw some in anyway:
1 pint cherry tomatoes, each cut in half lengthwise (they were about to go bad)
A few chunks of raw cauliflower (they were about to go bad)

The Dressing

And here's where we get to the naughty part.

I love this stuff

1-1/2 cups mayo
*We don't usually eat a lot of mayo, but lately I have had some on hand because I went through a self-proscribed deviled egg challenge a few months back. I was determined to learn how to make them properly. I love eating them and can make a pretty good filling, but the peeling of the eggs part was just a nightmare. More on that some other time. So I had plenty of mayo, but 1-1/2 cups? Yikes, that's a lot. Then I remembered I had a little leftover Ranch dip that I made using a packet of their dry dressing mix and some plain Greek yogurt. It was really good btw - highly recommend making your own! So I used the rest of that, which was about a half cup. I filled out this mayo requirement with another half cup of plain Greek yogurt, and the final half cup of mayo.

3/4 cup sugar
*Excuse me? 3/4 cup? I don't think so! Makes my teeth ache just thinking about it. Must be a typo. I used 1/4 cup instead.

3 tablespoons red wine or cider vinegar
*Little known fact: 3 TBSP = 1/4 cup. I had a little apple cider vinegar on hand, but I use than in my smoothies and am about out and chose to hoard that for now. I did have a nearly empty bottle of rice vinegar, so I used that instead. I didn't measure, but it was probably about 1/4 cup. I don't think it matters much what kind of vinegar you use here. Maybe not balsamic, unless you substitute some feta for the cheddar . . .

That's it for the dressing. Just whisk together those three ingredients (mayo, sugar, vinegar).

The dressing recipe makes A LOT of dressing. I only used about half the dressing and it was more than enough to saturate the vegetables. Food porn note: that picture of this salad up there at the beginning of this post was clearly taken BEFORE they added the dressing. The dressing is a milky white and your salad will not look like that picture after you add it. It's not ugly or unappetizing, just different. Kinda like poppyseed dressing.

I did have a test taste of the dressing since I had made so many changes to it. It was AWESOME, if I don't say so myself. I will be keeping my improvised dressing recipe handy to use on other things.

The original recipe's assembly instructions are pretty simple: combine the veggies in a large bowl. Make the dressing; toss to coat. Refrigerate for at least 4 hours. If you are using the bacon, add it just before serving. Makes 8 servings.

My best to all during these troubling Covid-19 times. Here's to staying healthy and making the best of a bad situation - and of whatever random stuff is in the fridge/pantry. Stay well!

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Published on Leave a comment on Sign of the CheesePocalypse
Photo here from an article
way funnier than mine

This post originally appeared in January 2014.

Such dreary news lately, what with all the usual global warming and depressed economies and fighting and bombing and killing. The capper sent icy fingers clutching my heart:

There is a Velveeta shortage.

For you gourmands and food snobs out there, Velveeta is a cheese (like) product made by Kraft. Imagine a larger, softer, oranger stick of butter sold in the regular aisles (not dairy) of your local grocery. It is a popular ingredient in macaroni and cheese and cheese dips because it melts and blends so well. Apparently Kraft transitioned Velveeta-making to a new production facility recently, causing some production delays.

Sweet Mother of Pearl.

I understand this is mostly an East Coast problem. I will be checking my local grocer today, guaranteed. I haven't bought any Velveeta in ages, but just the thought of a shortage makes me want to dash to the store and arm-wrestle a grandma for the last box.

I haven't bought Velveeta in a while because let's just say it rarely makes any of those listicles featuring the healthy foods you should be eating. I was surprised to discover it actually does have some real cheese in it (cheddar, Monterrey Jack, and Swiss). Kraft has been making Velveeta for ages, but it really took off when they started promoting its use in mac n cheese. If you have ever made homemade mac n cheese, you know why. Making it with real cheese is problematic. Getting actual, real shredded cheddar cheese to melt and mix properly with the milk can be tricky, especially if you are a 'panster' like I am in the kitchen. I rarely have all the ingredients I need for any given dish and try to wing it. Last time I did this with mac n cheese, the cheese just wouldn't blend properly. My mac n cheese tasted okay, but looked more like mac n brain splatter. Yum!

I do have fond memories of Velveeta from childhood. My mom is the oldest of six. When I was a kid we had many family gatherings. Most featured my Aunt Billie's infamous cheese dip. It had two simple ingredients: Rotel tomatoes and Velveeta. She had a big brass fondue pot, the kind that requires a can of Sterno underneath to keep the contents warm. Cultivating a taste for that cheese dip was a sign of maturity. It may be my imagination (or my petrified middle-aged taste buds), but I swear the Rotel was hotter back then. A little of that cheesy goodness dipped with a tortilla chip could burn all the way down from tongue to tummy. If you could handle the heat, you were on your way to becoming an adult.

I love it, but I just can't eat Velveeta on a regular basis. They say it has real cheese in it, but when you open up that cardboard container and pry apart the foil liner to reveal what they lovingly call the 'loaf', 'real cheese' is not a phrase that comes to mind. I fear if I go back to the V, I will feel some pressure to consume even more unnaturally orange foods. What's next -  a big plastic barrel of cheese balls in the pantry? Completely giving up and just standing over the sink squirting a can of Cheese Wiz into my mouth? Troubling as it is, maybe this shortage is for the best.

Note: I did come up with the title on my own; validated when I discovered NPR had the same idea. Two minds, but with a single thought!

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Published on Leave a comment on Think Fast Or Go Hungry

As a self-described Lazy Cook, I freely admit when I am looking at a recipe, the first thing my brain looks for is not how delicious or what ingredients or how much it feeds or wine pairings. No, it is already wondering what shortcuts can be made to make it easier or faster to cook. This is why I don't have a show on a cooking channel. This is also why I don't waste a lot of time in the kitchen unless I am cleaning or eating. Cooking = no time wasted here.

Take this recipe, for example. I am in the process of organizing 20 years' worth of recipe detritus. The process is simple. I make the recipe. If it is good, I keep it. If it is not, I toss it. In tennis tournament parlance, single elimination. No consolation round. If it is my fault the dish is bad, too bad. Any recipe I keep better be bullet proof! No Julia Child Fancy French Cooking in my house!

So, back to the recipe. This one floats to the top of the rotation and it looks easy enough. I plan on having it for dinner the other night but as usual have not a) paid attention to detail, or b) planned for said details prior to preparing dinner at around 6pm. So when I see 'bake potatoes for one hour' the usual Oh Crap, Go To Plan B kicks in.

This was an easy fix thanks to microwave technology.

My Hero: Dr. Percy Spencer Inventor of Microwave Oven

Sweet Mother of Pearl, seriously, what would we do without the microwave??? 10 minutes nuking and three big potatoes (of course I did not plan correctly and only had three) were just right, turned out fine. Another minor adjustment: I was also out of sour cream but scrounged around in the fridge and came up with a container of spreadable cream cheese. In it went. Also had no green onions. Left them out. No problem! Are you starting to see why I don't have a show on a cooking channel?

This baby is rich and creamy - just look at all that butter, flour, potato, sour cream (or in my case, cream cheese), cheese. At least there's a sprinkling of bacon in there for the protein portion of our show. It's a miracle I even made this for myself, because Carbs Are The Devil. But it was easy and delicious. Be sure to use a big pan like a Dutch oven - it makes a lot. Final word of warning here: if you are on a low-carb diet, No Soup For You! 

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2

Published on 2 Comments on Avoid The Grocery Store And Sin No More
I can honestly say there is absolutely nothing stimulating about this

Recently I stumbled across an entertaining article about the history of snack foods (this is what happens when one of your Google Alert search terms is 'history' - NERD!). Of the five foods featured, three were the result of tinkering with various recipes to make them less sexually stimulating. Yes, that's right: deliberately creating food that had no taste or appeal was a thing. It was thought by some that all types of pleasure were somehow linked. If you got too much enjoyment out of, say, a cracker, all that joy would get you thinking about other ways to keep the joy flowing, and the next thing you know, someone's knickers would be around their ankles. Graham crackers, hot cocoa, and corn flakes formulas were developed specifically to avoid creating snacks that would overstimulate us into raging hordes of pillaging Vandals. In the case of corn flakes, man, did they do the job right!

His resemblance to Joe Camel can't be a coincidence. Eating junk is the new smoking.

Which got me thinking 1) what a bunch of Debbie Downers these early food inventors were; 2) how far the food industry has swung the other direction; and 3) how closely related our eating habits are to other bodily functions linked to survival of the race.

I can see how those early food developers would assume a link between yummy-ness and naughty-ness.  We've all heard particularly delectable dishes described as 'better than sex'. There's even a cake recipe with that name, but trust me - it does not live up to its moniker (although I will admit perhaps my suspect cooking skills were to blame for that). I think their fears were misplaced. My theory is that rather than stimulate more bedroom shenanigans, truly yummy foods are more likely to replace them. I'm no scientist, but I am pretty sure after a certain age, the hunger urge is the most powerful of them all. Ask a middle-aged woman what she would rather have on any special occasion (not just Valentine's Day): chocolate truffles or sex? You already know the answer.

Today, unappealing, bland foods are in the minority. It's hard to imagine anyone in the food business deliberately developing products you have to force yourself to eat - 'better back off on the salt content, Dr. Jones - we don't want to make those crackers too good!'.  

There are a few foods that still manage to sell despite a complete lack of appeal, sexual or otherwise . Oatmeal, for example. I can choke it down for health reasons, but by the time I load it up with brown sugar and raisins so I can choke it down, it isn't all that healthy.  But the majority of food is all about stimulation and attraction and addiction now. Walk down any aisle in the grocery store, and I guarantee you, a little voice in your head will scream 'avoid temptation!' at least three times. Per. Aisle.

Generating fresh how-to tips on avoiding the grocery Sirens has become a cottage industry: Shop only on the perimeter of the store! Avoid the end caps! Look only at the highest and lowest shelves - never in the middle! I am surprised no one has suggested strapping your arms to the grocery cart yet. Maybe a blindfold would be better. I can't be the only one who consciously averts my gaze when I roll by the Krispy Kreme display. A single glance at that sugary temptress with the scandalous peek-a-boo packaging is enough to send my consumption urges into overdrive.

His resemblance to Joe Camel can't be a coincidence. Eating junk is the new smoking.  

The food industry is way out in front on this. Alluring packaging is just the tip of the iceberg. Megacorporations spend billions of dollars on fancy laboratories fully stocked with exceptionally intelligent Ph.D.s. They could be off somewhere developing an affordable and green alternative to fossil fuel. Instead, they are spending their days figuring out the correct mouth feel/salt content/crunch density for the next variety of Cheetos. The Frito-Lay display on the grocery aisle end cap serves exactly the same purpose as that shady character standing on the corner in the sketchy part of town, tempting you with junk you will enjoy momentarily, but that is absolutely no good for you, packaged in carefully calculated serving sizes, priced to sell and guaranteed to keep you coming back for more.

All this talk of eating and sinning has done its job. I'm off to the pantry for a midnight prowl. There better be something salty/crunchy in there. I will settle for something sweet. Oatmeal, no worries - you are safe tonight.

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Published on Leave a comment on Organic Opposition

This post originally appeared during my participation in the 2016 A to Z Blog Challenge. Affiliate links included below.

Man, that's a lotta corn

I'm currently working on a YA trilogy one could describe as Dystopia Lite. It takes place in a society that relies heavily on processed food (see what I did there?). Non-processed foodstuffs are illegal and are classified as controlled substances. It's an adventure/quest/conspiracy tale, very tongue-in-cheek, and I'm having a ball writing it.

Researching it has also been very enjoyable. Lord knows there's plenty of material out there. One of the most intriguing research threads has been about what I think of as The Rise of the Agricultural Machine, and why a huge percentage of what we consume, either to eat or to use, is made of corn or a corn product.

But I digress.

The term 'organic' as it refers to food emerged in the counterculture era of the 1960s. It had been used earlier to encompass a feeling of more general opposition to the changes technology rained down on society during the Industrial Revolution in the early twentieth century.

Health food guru J. I. Rodale was more directly responsible for using the word 'organic' as it relates to food cultivation. If you're familiar with the magazine Prevention, the surname Rodale may ring a bell with you.  He championed the growth and consumption of what we now think of as organic food all the way back in the 1940s. Twenty years later, his teachings caught on with the hippies. Flower children co-opted the term and the philosophy, combining it with what they were trying to achieve living in communes. Today we would call that living off the grid. Theirs was a sort of back-to-nature movement with the additional goal of sticking it to the military-industrial complex

  • The bounty available at the Dallas Farmers Market

One of the things I love about writing fiction is that while doing the research, I inevitably turn up stuff from real life that is way crazier than anything I could ever make up. For example: the notion that organic food was considered by some as something to be avoided in the 1960s and 1970s, like we avoid letting our mouths touch the spout on a water fountain. Big government and scientists in the pocket of Big Ag was very concerned that this new movement would erode their efforts in maximizing the industrialization of agriculture. They had spent a lot of money and scratched a lot of backs in Washington, D. C. to restructure government aid to farmers and reinvigorate foreign trade in commodities (mainly corn). They didn't want any disruptions and were probably mindful of the antiwar protests that had rattled the government bureaucracy and ended the Vietnam War. So they discredited the organic movement at every opportunity:

- In 1974 a kangaroo court of food 'experts' convened a panel on 'The Food Supply and the Organic Food Myth', branding the movement as 'dangerous nonsense'.

- Quoting from Michael J. Pollan's most excellent book The Omnivore's Dilemma:

"Henry J. Heinz, Jr. branded the organic movement 'food faddism', and he wrote that its advocates 'are persuading thousands to adopt foolish and costly eating habits'."

- and from the equally excellent Eat Your Heart Out by Jim Hightower, written contemporaneously (1975):

"Agriculture Secretary [Earl] Butz . . . became almost wild-eyed in his assertion that the specter of organic food production promises starvation for 50 million Americans."

Why all the panties in a twist over a micro movement that had little or no impact on the bottom line of the 1970s era food business? Because billions were being spent on marketing as well as production. Butz's Machiavellian machinations were restructuring farm subsidies as part of a grander scheme to change the way the agriculture sector worked. This new strategy depended on farmers flooding the supply of food to get the price to consumers down to absolute minimum. And BTW the consumers they were trying to please weren't you and me - they were mega corporations like Cargill and Archer Daniels Midland.  The food biz was very mindful of the effects of the Vietnam War protests and how powerful the voting public could be if properly motivated. They didn't want a repeat wrecking the demand side if the organic food movement managed to generate a 'mistrust' of the food supply.

by Sidney Harris as seen in Eat Your Heart Out by Jim Hightower

It is a great comfort to me, reading Hightower's book with forty years of perspective, that the organic movement has survived and indeed thrived since that time. There haven't been any food sit-ins or demonstrations or protests that I'm aware of. But people are voting with their pocketbook, and it's having an effect. Organic food still needs to overcome the stigma of being too pricey, too hipster-buying-kale. But the big food companies are taking pains to offer choices that appear to be healthier. Food co-ops and community gardens and farmer's markets are all the rage.  If you're not sure that's true, take a look at the financials for Whole Foods, Earth Fare, and Trader Joe's. The wheel is turning slowly, but it is turning.

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