Check Mates

Hat tip to Food Chick Eats whose recent blog post about dividing the dinner check inspired me to write this. I would have left this as a comment on her post, but as you will see, what I have to say is more rant than comment. I will start with this: what is wrong with people????

In the writing biz, we call that foreshadowing.

As a historian I feel compelled to give some personal history here. Growing up, I was given little insight into how to properly divide a check, mainly because it was pretty straightforward. As my social life progressed, either my date paid for my meal, or we went 'Dutch' (each paid for our own - do people still use that expression? suddenly feeling ancient). Credit cards were rare. Checks were rare. Most dining was done with cash.

Fast forward to the madcap 1980s. My social life was pretty social, to put it mildly. The hubs and I lived in a lively condo community. We had a large circle of friends, mostly singletons, and we socialized frequently. This could mean anywhere from 10-20 of us would go out to dinner together. The first time we did this, all being fairly well-educated adults, I assumed each of us would chip in enough to cover whatever we had ordered, plus tip.

My dad has a saying about what you do when you assume. Maybe you know that saying.

The time came for the check to be delivered. Let me also add this was in the days before fancy schmancy touch screen cash register computing systems. Separate checks were possible but frowned upon. One check, let's say 15 people. Let the games begin.

The waiter selected the unfortunate victim to receive the check. Then we played financial Ring Around the Rosie. Check was passed around; funds were added, then passed again. Only the second person in the rotation actually knew who had contributed how much (the first person). From that point forward, it was hard to know who ordered or paid for what. Heaven help you if you were at the end of the rotation. You might know how much you owed, but you could also see there wasn't near enough money there to cover the bill plus the tip.

The check makes the first rotation. Heads confer re discrepancy between amount owed and amount received. Beer buzz starts to wear off. Tempers flare. The good news: one of our group is a CPA. The bad news: one of our group is a CPA. Out comes the calculator. No one may leave until this is sorted.

The outcome was always the same. One or more of us ran out of patience and made up the difference, even though we had already chipped in our fair share. After this occurred a couple of times, it became apparent certain individuals were using the system to their advantage. Cue demise of beer buzz.

Times have changed. Servers seem more than happy to arrange for separate checks. This solves one aspect of the large group dinner. But what of other situations?

Not long ago I had this happen: I was out with a group of friends. I arrived slightly late and did not hear what arrangements had been made regarding payment (separate or single check). Wine had already been ordered. Someone suggested appetizers. Someone suggested dessert. Someone suggested we split the tab equally. Note I agreed heartily with all of these suggestions. I also did not pay much attention to what others were ordering. That inattention resulted in me paying $60 for a veggie pizza and a glass of wine.

I have since gotten good advice to head off suggestions about a single check by privately asking the server to break yours out separately anyway. If the rest of the group wants theirs all together, fine. Just break yours out.  Do not cave to the peer pressure. Be polite but firm.

I wouldn't mind getting a single check if everyone else played by the same rules, and were competent at math. But if you are bad at math, don't believe in tipping, and enjoy gaming the system to supplement ordering things off the menu you ordinarily could not afford, sorry - I can't make dinner. I have to wash my hair.