Every day I wake up feeling pressure to write. It's there before I even get out of bed, nipping at my heels like my cousin Helen's hateful Chihuahua. What to write is not the problem. I'm one of these types who has no problem generating writing topics. It's the finishing that's the issue for me. I have half a dozen manuscripts in various stages of completion. Some are products of NaNoWriMo. I can get going, but my adult ADD soon kicks in and I become bored with the project. I get a wandering eye. Anything and everything appears like a better idea for a new project than the one I am current working on.
Last year I put the hammer down and refused myself the luxury of any new book projects until these unfinished orphans are complete and e-published. I chose one and have been working on it again. It's not the best one. It's not my favorite. It's not the one with the most potential for success. But since it is the one closest to completion, logic dictates I finish it so I can move on to something else. Honestly, my heart is only halfway in it, like a philandering spouse. Sure, I come back to it, but I also lust after everything new and different and exciting that passes by.
I am making some progress, but my re-commitment is somewhat suspect. I have this blog plus a Facebook Page plus Instagram plus my guilty pleasure and apple of my SM eye, Twitter. I tell myself I am 'building my brand', but let's face it - what good does it do to build a brand when I don't have any product to sell? The social networking and tweeting and branding are all just delicious diversions from the actual business at hand: finishing the dang books.
So for me, it's not about the work. It's about choices. I need to take a lesson from the girl in this old Moonraker clip. Why on earth does she tried to evade vicious, slavering four-footed killing machines in her clunky heels, rather than just hopping in the golf cart and high-tailing it outta there? I need to choose the golf cart here! Sometime soon, maybe I will be blogging about the blessed relief from pressure when my book is complete and out there on the virtual bookshelf at .99 per. Here's hoping the golf cart stays charged.
In honor of National Golf Lovers Day, may I present Miss Katharine Harley, winner of the 1908 U.S. Amateur Golf Championship at the Chevy Chase Club, Chevy Chase, Maryland.
If you have a moment, check out this interview with Miss Harley in the New York Times. 100 years on, and hand-wringing over the future of the sport is the same as it ever was. She holds the popularity of tennis as one of the factors to blame for waning interest in golf. As more of a tennis person, I find her comments ironic. Tennis, like many other sports, is always worried about the 'leaky bucket' of players being lured away by other sports such as golf.
Miss Harley also confesses she did not take up the sport seriously until 'about three weeks' before the championship! Okay, full disclosure: she goes on to explain she had been playing golf for seven years prior to that, so I guess she had some experience to fall back on. Then, as now, the length of time a round of golf takes to play was problematic in attracting new players. Then, as now, the short game proved to be the deciding factor in her victory.
I have dabbled in golf. I had heard it was not particularly female-friendly. I am sorry to report I did find this to be the case. My female golf friends were awesome. But the chauvinistic and patronizing attitudes of the male players and golf course staff put my tail in a knot just about every time I played.
Best of luck to all the gals out on the links past and present. Go out there and represent for those of us who don't have the patience.
Okay, moving on. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have been more or less housebound and will be for the foreseeable future. Going nuts is on my mind about now. Thanks to our friends at Google, looky here what I found online. It's a transcript of a survey done at the Oregon State Insane Asylum in the 1890s. The facility may sound familiar if you are a fan of the movie, 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest' - part of it was filmed there.
Back to the form - labeled 'Causes of Insanity', it lists lots and lots of causes, parses them by gender, and totes 'em up. There is no other information, such as who was doing the evaluating. Was some doctor rendering an opinion on each one, or were they just asking the inmates, "to what do we owe the pleasure"? And what exactly qualifies as 'insane'? Are they just worn out by the seven rugrats tugging on their skirt all day, or are there human heads in the fridge?
Some of the causes listed are sad. Some are scary. And forgive me, some are hilarious. In a sad way.
We have a total of more than 600 individuals admitted over a two year period (1894-1896). Close to half (275) are listed as cause of insanity 'unknown'. Picture a doctor standing with a clipboard at the front door, giving the poor sods a once-over and a shrug, ticking off a box on the form on his clipboard, then waving them inside to be measured for their backless gown and their straight jacket.
Far distant second place under causes are intemperance (31) and epilepsy (30). One must admire the refined sensibilities of the Victorian era - isn't 'intemperance' so much more pleasant a word than 'drunk'? And p.s. since when was epilepsy considered a form of insanity? Yikes. Also note the men far outnumbered the women in both of these categories. Don't worry, ladies, you'll get to even the score when we get to 'uterine disease' (11-0) and 'menopause' (6-0).
Speaking of substance abuse, we have opium and morphine addicts, plus a handful of overachievers listed for 'morphine and cocaine'.
Asylum circa 1905 - best not to look to closely or you may freak out
Next up with 25 diagnoses is 'heredity', fairly evenly split between men (10) and women (15). [insert mother-in-law jokes here] But the real winner is 24 cases due to 'masturbation'. And yes, it was 24-0 for the gents. Once again I am wondering how this whole check-in thing worked back then. Did they just roll up in the taxi carriage and kick the dude to the curb? Leave him on the front porch in the middle of the night like an orphaned babe? Was there any proof required - palm checking, vision tests? Was there any resistance, or were the poor suckers looking forward to the privacy?
17 patients were admitted due to 'injury to head'. 16 of these were men. Go figure.
The balance of causes listed are scattered among dozens of categories. We have some due to legitimate (sounding) illness such as typhoid, meningitis, scarlatina, and la grippe (flu). This may have been because the asylum also served as a traditional hospital. I hope that is the case. I would hate to think one went to the hospital to be treated for pneumonia and wound up coming home minus part of your frontal lobe.
There are a handful listing religious causes: 'religion' in general; 'spiritualism'; 'Christian Science' specifically; and one guy with the combo platter of 'religion AND injury'. I am thinking snake handler, maybe?
Of course there were a few ladies admitted for causes related to having kids. They included the exotic-sounding 'puerperal trouble', which today we call post-partum depression. Childbirth was still called 'childbirth' back then. Other causes of insanity listed that may or may not have been related to childbearing: 'brain softening', 'fright', 'worry', 'loss of sleep', 'mental strain', and 'overwork'.
Lastly, here are a few head-scratchers:
One fellow was admitted for literally smoking his brains out - cause of insanity listed as 'tobacco'.
'exposure and solitude' - not one or the other, but both. As this was in the Pacific Northwest, maybe lost their way looking for a Starbucks?
'overstudy' - gotta be a college freshman.
'disappointment in love' - 2 women, 1 man. List does not indicate whether they were part of the same love triangle.
'domestic trouble' - 4 men, 6 women. I found this strange as it is usually when there are not enough women that trouble begins. . .
Just goes to show, it's all fun and games until someone gets committed for 'disappointment in love'. This list was amusing to me until I started looking at the grim pictures and my imagination got the better of me. Asylum as haven, or prison? Peaceful refuge, or waking nightmare? My gut (and my recent personal experience) tells me it was an unpleasant mixture of both.
I saw this chart float through my social media stream recently. Talk about click bait! It's a beauty.
Need a bigger version? It's all over the web. Click here for one source from UsefulDIY.
Like many women, I have loved shoes for years. One of my first jobs was at a department store in downtown Dallas called Sanger Harris. It was a nice store. Not quite Neiman Marcus, which was down the street, but definitely head and shoulders above Sears. I worked in the fabric department, back when department stores still had fabric departments. It was on one of the higher floors, so I had to pass through the street level departments to get on the escalator to get up there. The street level had all the fancy and popular departments, including one of the two shoe departments in the store. The high end shoes were on street level. The everyday shoes were upstairs.
When I first started working there, I couldn't believe the prices of some of the shoes on street level. Especially when you could take a quick escalator ride and find something much more affordable upstairs. But as time passed and I became more familiar with the brands and the workmanship, I became immune to the shoe prices downstairs. What used to seem like an outrageous price for a pair of shoes I would rarely wear, evolved into a perfectly reasonable price for quality workmanship in a pair of shoes I definitely deserved. Yes, they were red and yes, they were spectacular.
Since those days, my tastes have really changed. My closet does not now, nor shall it ever contain:
Jellies. With all due apologies to Jeffrey Lebowski, they're a sprained ankle waiting to happen.
Forget Mary Janes once 30 is in the rear view.
Ballerina flats. Not on a narrow size 9.5 foot, thank you very much - all that exposed skin on top makes my feet look like a couple of barges being pushed down the Mississippi.
Crocs. Aren't Crocs the inspiration for the term 'fugly'?
Forget heels more than about 3". Too much pressure attempting to stay upright and vertical. I've been trying new things recently, but BDSM isn't one of them.
I see that platforms are back. Didn't care for them in the 70s, don't care for them now. Partly because I am plenty tall enough without them; partly because whenever I see them, I think of strip clubs. Hopefully they are back on their way out again. I have seen a recent resurgence of the spike heel, thank the fashion gods. That's something I would risk a broken ankle for. Everyone looks fantastic in spike heels.
My closet today includes the following from the above chart: flip flops, natch; slip ons; cowboy boots; wellington boots (sort of, although they are more biker); and a couple of pumps in case of emergency festive occasion. I am intrigued about the Uggs. They are not very attractive, but I hear they are very comfy. Living in a warm climate, I am not sure I would be able to enjoy them very often.
Where are sandals on that chart? They are definitely not the same as 'flip flops' IMO. I have tons of sandals. Warm climate, remember? And sneakers. Sneakers and 'Converse' are not the same, not at all. I own loads of sneakers. Serious sneakers for walking, grubby sneaks for gardening, and casual sneaker-like non-sneakers.
'Sabaton' mens footwear. Go here for a better quality image.
All this talk of shoes got me shopping online, of course. While shopping, I discovered some interesting shoe tidbits.
Shoes used to be interchangeable - there was no 'left' and 'right'.
Men had way crazier shoe fashions than women.
The good ol' U.S. of A. used to be a shoemaking powerhouse. Companies in the northeast invented machines to automate shoe manufacturing, bringing prices down and making shoes affordable for the masses. Alas, much of that business has now gone overseas, chasing low labor costs. You can still find American-made shoes, but you really have to dig around.
I will close today with some of my current favorites. They are not American made, but I have enjoyed wearing them and feel I have definitely gotten my money's worth out of them.
Olukai sandals - not cheap, but amazing comfort and support, good-looking and and long-lasting.
Skechers - I have a couple of different styles of just kicking around shoes, not sport-specific. Again very comfortable (great arch support) and casually stylish.
Vans and/or Keds casual sneakers. Lace up, slip on, solid, print, you name it. They're comfy, well made, and fun.
When I have a little extra $$, I like to sin with Picolinos or Fluevogs. A friend got me hooked on this pricey habit. You have been warned.
And about those red pumps from my Sanger Harris days? Evan Picone. I paid $80 for them in the 1970s, which basically gutted one teenager's part-time paycheck. They sat in a box in my closet for many years, too worn to be worn, until I finally was able to part with them. They were to die for.
Recently I got a chance to visit my folks in Dallas. One of our favorite activities is sitting around the kitchen table, stuffing our faces and swapping lies. My brother, who inherited the oral storytelling gene from my dad, somehow got off on a tangent and said, "Hey, let me tell you my monkey story". We are close in age as well as filial affection. We share similar temperaments, senses of humor, human frailties, musical tastes, and a love of Tex Mex. I have known him since the day he was born, but I had never heard his 'monkey story'.
It seems he was out at some snooty Dallas eatery in the 80s, where all the men's collars were popped and the ladies' hair was big. One couple brought their pet spider monkey with them for lunch out on the patio. Apparently the monkey found a wad of gum stuck underneath their table, amused himself with it for a while, then rinsed his tiny monkey paws in everyone's iced tea. They were so busy looking cool, they didn't notice, and enjoyed their tea just like everyone else.
This story got a few laughs around our table. And as often happens, one story leads to another. Turns out my brother had another monkey story, about the time he visited the local zoo on a field trip for a high school photography class and was selected to hold an orangutan while everyone else took photos.
Huh. Another monkey story I had never heard. And what I wouldn't give to have a copy of one of those photos!
But wait - there's more. There was that time he and his husband Peter were on vacay in Africa (well, ONE of the times 😉), and a monkey jumped down onto their table and snatched Peter's toast right off his plate, quicker than you can say 'capuchin'. That one, I had heard.
Which reminded my mom of the time one of their neighbors had a pet monkey that jumped onto my grandmother's back and scared the everlovin' bejeezus out of her. Granny Winona never much liked monkeys after that.
By this time, I was feeling very inadequate that I didn't have a monkey story of my own. So I shared one I had heard on NPR about how some folks in India are sick and tired of the rampaging monkeys raiding their village. Sure, it was second-hand, but it was all I had.
All this monkey business got me thinking about why some people have monkey stories, and some don't. Monkey stories represent getting out there and living life. I don't mean you have to actually get yourself a pet monkey or afford pricey vacations. Just interact. Go places. Do things. Observe and remember. Document and share. Sitting at home in front of a glass screen is not going to get you any monkey stories. It's the first-person monkey story that people want, not some regurgitated thing you heard on the radio or read online.
I still don't have any first-person monkey stories. But I bagged a good bat story, a peacock story, and an airplane-vs-flock of birds story recently. Next time I have dinner with my brother, let's see if he can top that.
Years ago I watched Morgan Spurlock's film Super Size Me. If you are not familiar with it, Spurlock documented himself eating nothing but McDonald's food for 30 days and tracked the consequences. They were not good. If you haven't seen it, highly recommend. That was years ago, and I haven't eaten McDonald's food since.
Anyway - the more relevant and ironic takeaway for today's purposes is that Mr. Spurlock supplanted my addiction to McDonald's French fries with one for 30-day projects. I love the idea of sampling something new for a relatively brief period of time to see what effect it has, hopefully positive. I dabbled with something similar a few times during Lent (raised Protestant, Lent was something of a novelty to me). I participated in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) a few times, completing the 50,000 word challenge all but once. I tried the 30 day Abs, Squats, Arms, Whatever fitness challenges online - failed all but always willing to try again!
So when I read an article by Darren Rowse+ProBlogger suggesting bloggers take a few minutes each day and browse other blogs, I plugged that into the 30-day model.
Rowse suggested this not to copy others' work, but to see what's out there, what others are doing, what looks like it's working and what isn't, all of which should improve our own efforts. I took his advice. I enjoyed the process. After 30 days of blog hopping, I can now do it fairly quickly so that it is a productive part of my routine rather than a rabbit hole. Here's what I learned.
Blog v website - First things first: let's clarify. When people say they have a blog, what exactly do they mean? Many of the sites I visited called themselves blogs, but they had all kinds of other pages included - merch for sale, bio, photo albums, links, you name it. On the flip side, many authors have robust websites that include one section classified as a blog. Okay, that's pretty straightforward. However. Often the home page to these combined sites is identical to the page you see when you click on their 'blog' link. So is the whole site a blog? Or just the pages that have posts and comments? So confused! Until I found 30 or Something's blog. It is a BLOG and nothing else. Every page is just posts and comments. That site really clarified things for me. Plus I LOVE their header design and how their blog topics are organized into individual tabs/pages.
Layouts - I discovered I don't like things too crowded. I prefer a large area for the blog posts and a right margin for the other stuff. I don't know why, but I just can't get with the marginalia on the left. I use WordPress via Bluehost, so the layouts are very simple to rearrange IMO. Spend some time playing around with it and use the Preview function to see if you likey before you save.
Favicon - while I was fiddling around with my layout, I noticed one area I had overlooked/ignored for years. The favicon is the little icon that appears on the browser tab when that tab is open to one of your site's pages. For instance, when you have a Twitter tab open, there is a little blue bird on that tab. It's just another way of branding. All you need is a small graphic, ideally your logo or something strongly related to your site or blog. Setting this up is a little different depending on your hosting site, so some Googling may be in order.
Social media bar - early on I didn't know what this was, nor did I care. But once I started upping my engagement game and actually wanted to follow people across their social media beyond just their website, it became huge. A social media bar in an obvious location really makes it easy for people to engage with you. Put another way, if I have to spend more than about thirty seconds hunting down your social media presences on your site, . . . NEXT! It's a pretty easy fix on most hosting sites. Just look for social media navigation. As Mike Allton says in this great article, it costs me nothing.
Backgrounds - Here's where I get into trouble. Ask me how many hours I have dawdled trying out new backgrounds for my website. During the 30-day challenge, I saw so many other great blog designs that I like! I gravitate towards color, but I also enjoy a well-designed minimalist/streamlined look. So often, beginners go a little crazy with too many choices and end up with a mishmash mess. My early websites were way too busy and loud. As you can see, I've let the design pendulum swing in the other direction for now.
Page jump - On several blogs I saw during the challenge, I noticed many had snippets of past articles (rather than the entire article) listed on the home page. I learned from this article by Rachel Sprung at Hubspot that these are called 'listing pages'. A listing page will give a sample of many blog posts, with 'read more' or continue' links that will take you to the full post if it strikes your fancy. I've been away from Blogger for a couple of years, so I'm not sure if this article is still relevant. But it did the trick for me. I'm able to do something similar here by selecting the previous post display format that suits me.
Subscription links - back to Mr. Allston's advice, adding an email subscribe gadget costs me nothing. May help, couldn't hurt. I copied the html code from my MailChimp account, and I insert it at the bottom of each new post. Subscribers will receive a newsletter from me whenever I get around to publishing one. Note this is separate from the subscription link to this blog, which notifies subscribers each time there's a new post.
Comments - last but not least, let's not forget the point of a blog hop: engagement. While you're scoping out other blogs for ideas, if you see a blog topic that interests you, take a sec and leave a comment. The wheel of karma will thank you.
30 days of #ablogaday was exhausting yet productive. No doubt there are other intangibles I gained, but that's enough for now. I enjoyed finding so many great new blogs and am very pleased with this new addition to my daily writing/blogging routine. Way more fun than the 30 Day Ab Challenge, but it didn't do much for my muffin top . . .
A recent blog post revealed I had 19 bookmarks in my Character bookmark folder. Not to be outdone, my Plot folder boasts 24 links. This does not surprise me as I find plotting much more fun than character development. To me, plotting is the excitement of designing the house, getting the foundation poured, watching the walls go up. Character development is hanging sheetrock, laying tile, and painting - gratifying when done well, but dangerously close to drudgery. So here's a few highlights from the fun part - PLOT.
One of my favorite resources is this video from one of the Toy Story 3 collaborators. It's all about a strong beginning. Works for any genre.
9 Ways To Undermine Your Character's Best Laid Plans by Lisa Cron at Writer Unboxed. "Do make sure everything that can go wrong, does. The only time things come easily is when they are the opposite of what is actually best."
Six of my links in the Plot folder are from Fiction University, including The Key to Creating Suspense Is . . . by Janice Hardy. In addition to that perfect title, Hardy also shares this nugget: "A reader who doesn't care what happens next won't read on to find out. It's our job as writers to create a situation that's so tempting, so exciting, so emotional, that readers can't put down our books."
So many articles on plot recall or re-frame Joseph Campbell's work. But the different interpretations can be worthwhile. As Janice Hardy says, sometimes you just have to roll the dice.
Please note: I get commissions for purchases made through links in this post.
Before you start your pearl-clutching, let me explain. Since it should be obvious to all thatI'm far too old to reproduce biologically (thank the heavens), the 'baby' I am referring to is my first self-published book. And since it's self-published, that means I don't get the writer's version of maternity leave - that post-publication downtime when I toss my working files into a drawer and do that wonderfully evocative brushing-of-the-hands gesture (aka the BOTH). Nope. As with producing a human baby, the birthday is only the beginning. Now it's time to feed and nurture and protect my literary offspring forever and ever amen, otherwise known in the writing biz as Marketing.
Which brings us to my engagement.
You may have heard something about building a platform to help you market your book. I like to think of the platform as a PR machine built of the writer, by the writer, for the writer. It's about networking and getting your name out there and making connections. There's a tremendous amount of marketing advice out there for newbie self-publishers. I'm drinking at the fire hydrant of information daily, trying not to drown in the process.
Marketing your book is not just about creating a presence on Facebook and Twitter and Blogger and what have you. It needs to be a two-way street. It needs to be give and take. To have a meaningful and productive marketing experience, you must Engage.
The Brushing Of The Hands (BOTH)
Think of it this way. Imagine attending a gathering, or party, or convention, or other function where you will have the opportunity to interact with people in person and it is appropriate for you to promote your book in the process. Marketing is hiring someone to walk around the event wearing a sandwich board with a picture of your book on it. Engagement is you, walking around, shaking hands and talking to people about lots of things - their book, your book, your kids, the weather, how cool it is you both used to live in Albuquerque, how the addition of pumpkin flavor to craft beer is a sign of the apocalypse, and so forth.
I imagine at this point you are trembling with trepidation, because you know what this means. If you are to have meaningful engagement, it's going to take some time. Probably time you don't feel like you have. You might be wondering, why can't I just set up Hootsuite to blast out my perfectly worded Tweet splash every twenty-three minutes ad infinitum until I sell a thousand copies so I can do the BOTH, and leave it at that? I suppose you could. From the looks of my Twitter feed, many of you have chosen to do exactly that. I think of this marketing strategy as the used car commercials of the writing world. And of course that's what programs like JustUnfollow are for.
As in real life, true engagement takes a whole 'nother level of commitment. You have to buy the flowers and remember the birthdays and watch television programs together that you would never otherwise watch. You have to subscribe to blogs and comment on posts. You have to share and Like and retweet and read and review.
Primarily I use Twitter, Facebook and more recently Instagram for engagement. I'm learning to use them in concert. For example, use the handy feature that automagically invites friends and followers from other social networks as well as your email contacts. This is a great way to broaden your outreach, but is a little too sterile to qualify as engagement. You have to take it a few steps further. Once you have built up your friends/followers, reach out to them individually. Visit their profile and spend some time scrolling through. If you see something that genuinely interests you, say so. If it's worth a share or a retweet, do it. Here's some examples of how to take your engagement level from *yawn* to Yowza!
Facebook
Ho Hum: hit the Like button
Passable: hit the Like button and leave a comment
Next Level: hit the Like button, leave a comment, and share it publicly to your page
Twitter
Ho Hum: mark a tweet as Favorite
Passable: Retweet
Next Level: Retweet with a comment and/or reply to the sender to start a conversation
Instagram
Ho Hum: add your FB and Twitter friends/followers on IG
Passable: Like the posts you feel a genuine connection with
Next Level: comment organically on posts that resonate with you; tag a friend/follower in the comment if applicable; use an app like Repost to share
A word to my fellow introverts who are viewing this engagement thing as about as enjoyable as being forced to make small talk with the strangers at your table when you're a plus-one wedding guest: this too shall pass. Sure, you may get ignored. So what? Wouldn't be the first time, would it? But as the great Wayne Gretzky says, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Put yourself out there, start engaging, and I guarantee you the positive results will far outweigh the negative. It won't be long before you, too, will start to feel fully engaged.
I was scrolling through my Facebook feed, minding everyone's business, when this drifted through:
Pardon my juvenile scrawl, but it should be obvious by now why I found it necessary to protect the guilty. My first reaction: stunned silence. Second reaction: what the what??? Part of me wanted to believe the poster coincidentally had run out of Charmin at the EXACT SAME TIME their drawer full of carefee, wanderlust-filled traveling socks chose to hit the road. But I knew in my heart this was not so.
Side note here: someone suggested this solution would be more trouble than it was worth to get the socks clean enough to use as proper socks again. Somehow I think this was a one-way trip for the doomed socks, so don't trouble yourselves too much coming up with extreme laundry solutions.
This TP incident got me thinking about life's necessities and what we do when they are not available. I tried to remember the last time I was out of TP, and couldn't remember EVER being out of TP. So I tried to imagine a scenario where, if I WERE out of TP, my thoughts would run to socks. Nope, never happen. Paper towels or tissues, maybe. Other less satisfactory paper products, possibly (apologies, Sports Illustrated!). But socks? For the love of all that is holy, when where and how did socks become a viable substitute for toilet paper???? I am eternally thankful I did not get the memo on that one.
Anyway, by this time I am into full-blown Historian Mode. I remember tales of outhouses long past, where corn cobs and Sears catalogs filled this particular need. Sweet Mother of Pearl have I mentioned lately how thankful I am for the American toilet tissue industry?? Imagining wiping with either of those two options has me willing to pay upwards of $20 a roll for my beloved dual-ply Charmin. Maybe $20 a sheet.
The infamous three shells from the film Demolition Man. Image from VH1.
Prior to the invention of a product designed specifically for cleaning one's nether regions, history tells us folks grabbed whatever was locally available. Materials as disparate as leaves, wool, sand, snow, and pottery shards have been used. Some cultures went back to basics and used their left hands and their left hands ONLY, which is why eating with the left hand is still considered utterly repulsive and highly uncouth in some Middle Eastern cultures. Ancient cultures used rocks and shells, which may partially explain the bathroom joke from the 1993 Sylvester Stallone movie Demolition Man.
A little Googling tells us the first documented use of paper for bathroom hygiene purposes was in China. This is no surprise. China seems to be the leader in inventing such first world necessities such as gunpowder and fireworks, so why not TP? Writings from the 6th century A.D. describe sheets of toilet paper for the Emperor's use, measuring 2 feet by 3 feet. This odd size got me thinking: was this a typo? Did they mean 2 inches x 3 inches? Or did they have a piece of paper the size of a modern bath towel just lying about in the loo, waiting for the Emperor to do his business? Doesn't that seem overdoing it to you? Either he was a huge guy, or an average-size guy who made a huge mess. Did he use it once and wad it up and toss it? There was no flush toilet at that time, so it couldn't go down the tubes. And even if it could - 2 feet x 3 feet??? No, I suspect/fear this large sheet was intended for multiple uses. Sweet Mother of Pearl.
So festive. I'd buy that as long as it was colorfast. I swear that top roll is two of Charlie's Angels.
A little closer to home, you may have noticed plain white TP is the new world order. I vaguely recall solid colors being available back in the day. Apparently a combination of high price and low demand booted colorful TP from most American shelves. I did find a company in Serbia with the unfortunate tagline of 'Family Doo' that may still offer fun colors and patterns. Since I don't speak Serbian and Google Chrome did not offer to translate, I can't tell if they actually sell the patterns shown here, or just think it's a cute picture.
Soon after the Facebook Sock Debacle, I issued an edict here at home: no socks will be harmed, sullied, or otherwise sacrificed in the pursuit of my personal bathroom hygiene. There is now great joy in my sock drawer. But the magazine pile definitely has the jitters.
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Drum roll, please: on July 17, 2015, I achieved a personal goal by a) completing my first fiction manuscript, and b) successfully navigating the self-publishing process.
Both are goals I have been working toward for some time. Now that I see how the process works, I have several more works in progress that can hit the e-shelves as soon as I finish them off. As a self-publishing newbie, I thought I would share my experience with the nuts and bolts of it for those of you who are considering doing the same.
Composition
I have been working on this book for a shamefully long time. Originally I began composition using Word 97. I transitioned to OpenOffice, which also worked great. I had a short-lived experience with Google Docs which I don't recommend for longer documents. Let's call that a learning experience aka FAIL. No harm done, thank goodness - I kept the .doc file somewhere safe and was easily able to go back to using it.
Toward the end of the Dala project, I saw some references to the Scrivener word processing product. Specifically I was interested in what several users had to say about the ease of converting your manuscript to a format used by the major e-book publishers. I also liked some of its organizational features. Long story short, I bought it and used it and love it. I run it on a PC, so it's not even running full bore (apparently it works best on Mac products) and I really enjoy using it. Although - full disclosure: I am a computer nerd and enjoy the inevitable little puzzles and problems that come up from time to time. The compilation process was no exception. If you don't enjoy troubleshooting computer programs, you may find a few bumps in the road when it comes time to publish. But I think you might experience that regardless of whether you have Scrivener compile your file or let the e-pub sites do it for you.
Editing
I have seen all the advice out there to hire out the editing. I was very tempted to do so, and may do so in future if budget allows. But as luck would have it, Janice Hardy's Fiction University was running her 30-day editing series around the time I was ready to edit. As a devout DIY-er, I jumped on board. If only I could have completed the job in 30 days! It was a very grueling couple of months, not gonna lie. I have much to learn on the grand concepts of writing such as plot development and story arc. If I ever hire an editor, that's what I will be looking for help with. But I have a decent grasp of grammar and spelling. Couple that with spell checking technology and St. Janice, and I felt confident my manuscript was in pretty good shape when I pushed the Publish button - as good or better than many I have seen.
The Cover
I have also seen some wonderful advice regarding cover design. I will definitely be applying it to my next project which at present has absolutely no concept for a cover. I especially like this site for DIY designs. But some time ago I happened upon the most adorable piece of art on Etsy that I thought perfectly evoked the tone of The Dala Horse. I contacted the artist, bought the piece, and secured her gracious permission to use it on the cover. I am very happy with the look and really never considered using anything else. I do need to improve my photo editing skills as the image looks a little grainy depending on what I am using to view it.
UPDATE: I could've edited the above paragraph to reflect subsequent changes to my viewpoint on the subject of covers. But I left it here as a stark reminder of what a doofus I was early in my self-pub journey. This post gives the humbling details of the rest of the story about my book's cover.
Publishing
At last the finish line came into view and I started investigating the various self-publishing outlets. I found this article to be particularly helpful, and chose to go with Kindle Direct. It costs nothing up front, it pays well, and the publishing process was fairly straightforward. Initially, Dala was only available as an e-book. Eventually I added a paperback version via Createspace as well as an audio book via ACX.
Marketing
Part of the reason it has taken me so long to get this project completed is that I allowed myself to use 'building a platform' as an excuse not to work on my manuscript. I wouldn't say a platform is a waste of time, exactly, until I read this eye-opening article by C. S. Lakin about genre vs. platform. I did purchase KDSpy and you better believe I have already used it to confirm my next project will be in a little better position to market itself when it comes out later this year. Yes, you read that correctly: market itself.
I haven't completely abandoned my so-called platform. This website + blog, obvs. I am a Twitterholic. I love the advice on how to use Pinterest to complement your book with lots of fun visuals. After much back-and-forth, I set up a separate author Page on Facebook and am actually enjoying working with it as a marketing tool. I also enjoy Instagram.
Ephemera
I had a really hard time deciding when to stop the editing and just publish the damn thing. I still have days when something occurs to me that I would like to change or check on. The nice thing about e-publishing is that if it were a glaring error, I could fix it and upload a new version. But I am resisting tinkering with anything now unless it is something ridiculously embarrassing. It's sort of like the writer's version of empty nest - it feels weird when that part of your life is over, but also very satisfying.
Now that The Dala Horse is live on Kindle, that's by no means the end of the project. As a self-published author, I am also responsible for marketing, marketing, and more marketing. I spend mornings on straight-up marketing (via social networking, mostly) and brainstorming ideas for more marketing. Afternoons are devoted to the new project and the occasional blog post. The two main takeaways from Dala that I am applying to the new project are story structuring/scene maintenance on the front end, which I learned in Janice Hardy's editing program, and the importance of genre positioning (on Kindle, anyway) learned from C. S. Lakin's article above. These two elements combined should make for a smoother and more successful outcome on my next self-pub.
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